He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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