well I can't set my house on fire every night
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
