When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
not ubering you a puppy
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
