is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
