I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
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Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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