There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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