Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
