Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do vagina's smell?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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