I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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