but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
