It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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