please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
