Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
