end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize