I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he thought i was a dude.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
