just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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