it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
