Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
