You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
