Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up