it's not cheating when I paid for it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...