last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dating After Heartbreak
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.