I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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