I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
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Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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