Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
how drunk are you?
Several
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
