her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
