dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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