Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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