and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
