Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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