why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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