Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
