Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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