The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
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I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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