try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize