once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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