The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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