Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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