Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You don't make any sense
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