He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
