have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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