Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
