my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
