no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
