how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
