so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
