her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
