dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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