Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize