evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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