i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
BRING THE BAGELS
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
