dude i'm inner monologue high
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
