Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
