genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You took a bar mat shot.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
