My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize