dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
