he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
