guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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