I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just found a bag of teeth...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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