i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.