I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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