I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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