Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies