I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
