Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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