i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
