If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
