The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
